"Sometimes, No Means I Love You" by Kessa Scott

"Sometimes, No Means I Love You"

Parents deal with a lot of questions every day. The questions can be a simple one like, "Can I have a cookie?" and sometimes they can be a little more complex. If you're a parent, you know what level of ridiculous they can be.  Questions that can be answered with a "Yes" or a "No" are usually simple questions. It's the follow-up question, usually "Why?" that poses some problems.

As our little cherubs get older, the questions and requests will be a little more involved. Children will get a little more independent (theoretically), and said requests will be for more than just a snack. They will probably want some type of cool clothes, something to put in their room, or a chance to go somewhere with their friends and stay out later than usual.

This is where the experience and expertise as parents come in. While our children will present all of the reasons and logic why what they want is something good, and it's clearly, "not a big deal." We will tell them that it can't be done. They'll be coming home too late. We're not exactly thrilled with who they'll be hanging out with, or the outfit they want just isn't in the budget. If we're lucky, the children will concede the round and try again later. Sometimes they will counter with reasons why this is actually a good idea or why they need (their words) this particular object or clothing. The most obvious reasons would be "it's cool" or they saw their friend with it, leading to the obvious virtues and benefits.

Most parents will continue to say no and counter with some supporting statements of their own. Maybe the child will relent, maybe they will counter with more points. Sometimes, the situation will escalate, and throw down the gauntlet with something like, "If you loved me, you would buy this for me."

"Sometimes, No Means I Love You"

There are different ways
 of expressing love.

This is when I would respond with, "If you loved me, you would clean your room," but Kessa Scott has come up with a better, more civil solution for parents who deal with the constant, sometimes nagging questions for things from children who have the wisdom we obviously lack. Kessa has written "Sometimes, No Means I Love You", a children's book that deals with the uncomfortable situations where children ask for something, but parents just can't accommodate them at the moment.

Sometimes "No" can mean, "There's a better way," as Kessa explains in her book. Parents are always trying to raise their children to do right. I, for one, try to explain to my children that something of importance needs to be done before going out to play or having friends over. "Patience can be a treasure." This is another piece of wisdom from Kessa.

Not letting a child do what they want can also be a way of showing them what else there is to discover. It's not just saying, "No, you can't do that." It's a chance to show them what else there is to see and experience in the world.

"When I say no, I don't mean to ruin your day or limit your fun. When I say no, it's for a reason. To guide and protect you." - "Sometimes No Means I love You"

It's not Always Easy

Children don't come with instruction manuals. There are many times when parents wish we had some sort of research material or debate team practice to prepare us for when we are faced with a child with a question that evolves into a demand or a prelude to war. Of course they're simple requests. The reasons for not being able to just aren't always that simple. There is a lot to raising a child and making sure they are well-prepared to be on their own in the world. Sometimes there is no money in the budget to buy them what they want. Sometimes there isn't enough time to do what they want or go somewhere they were hoping for. It's the same for adults. We would love to do something, but constraints on our time and resources don't allow for it.

Our little cherubs get older. They go to school, college, a trade school. They enter the workforce. As parents, we watch them grow and see who they become. Saying no to them at different points in their lives isn't just because it can't be done at that particular time. We are also instilling lessons. These lessons may not be apparent to them at the moment, but during life, what they have learned will kick in and they will instinctively utilize it. They may or may not realize we were teaching them something way back when. The kids might wonder where that came from. It was a little seed we planted inside them many years ago. It grew and was ready for them when they were ready to use it. If we're lucky, we might get a thank you at some point.

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